It’s interesting, to say the least, to have a conversation with someone, and walk away from it only to discover later that you each have a different perspective on what was said. Therefore, it’s no surprise that how we communicate today can lead to even greater confusion, hard feelings, misunderstandings, and more.

In softer and less hectic times, you might find yourself sitting with a friend, having coffee, and taking the time to discuss what each of you has on your mind. If any confusion or misunderstandings came up, they were worked out through face-to-face conversation at the time. So what has happened to bring us to where we are today?

I’m the first to admit that I’m not a fan of all the technology we have available today for several reasons.

We went from using our computers for typing and collecting data to the idea of communicating to the outside world through email. It was an excellent way to keep in touch with family and friends and also an effective avenue to conduct business worldwide. For the most part, it followed the proper form of written communication until cellular phones came onto the scene with the ability to text.

I love words—how they sound and what they stand for. So, I find texting to be lazy and tone deaf. I prefer speaking to someone rather than sending or receiving a text (or email). So, when texting became the norm, I was unhappy to receive GM for “Good Morning” (I had to ask someone what it meant) or Lol or any of the other codes or shortcuts used instead of spelled-out words. Writing texts without complete words and correct spelling has led us into a dark hole of losing the beauty and art of communication where ideas flow and discussion takes place.

But what discourages me most is what has happened with texting and the different avenues of expressing ourselves via social media. We have lost our sense of civility and the definition of what it means to be cordial and kind.

We say things through texting on our cell phones or messaging over social media that, back in the day, our mothers would have washed our mouths out with soap. We name-call, swear, and accuse others of terrible things that would have had us sent to our room for hours or grounded for weeks … at least in my house.

But for me, the saddest thing to come from our new way of communicating is that when we have the opportunity to discuss anything with another person face to face, we find ourselves (or them) delivering statements that close off further discussion. We become uncomfortable when someone doesn’t agree with us. Instead of discussing any difference of opinion, we don’t allow it and are no longer willing to talk about it or listen to it.

You know what I’m talking about… it’s “my way or the highway” communication. It’s so evident in our society today. We have become entrenched in our belief that what is right for us needs to be believed by everyone else to the point that we are unwilling to allow anyone their own belief … even to the extreme of killing someone who disagrees with us.

That worries me. We have never been more divided as a nation and never uglier in how we treat each other. Although we might be tempted to call out,  “Beam me up, Scottie,” it needs each of us to take a hard look at how we communicate with others and be willing to change what we need to improve it. Unless each of us adheres to the belief that everyone has a right to their opinion and treats each other cordially in person or with written words, nothing much is going to change.

And that would be a shame.

You most likely have heard various expressions about beauty, such as “beauty is as beauty does” or “beautiful inside and out.” But the term that made me stop and ponder is the expression “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.”

I remember that my first reaction to that expression had been faulty in that I immediately went to that space of thinking that it was up to someone else as the beholder to declare whether or not I was beautiful! After all, we are such an outward thinking society, always looking outside of ourselves to define who we are, that my early reaction had seemed appropriate to me then.

Think about it! From a very young age, we women mainly get messages from all the media that we need to be beautiful, thin, and stylish. And we are given so many choices of beauty aids to help us become someone other than who we are that the message becomes loud and clear . . . you need help! You never see ads or public announcements that say you are beautiful just the way you are … and we begin to believe that we can’t be beautiful unless we use the right products or do the right things to make us so. Pointed out to us in many ways is the message that there always is something we can improve upon, whether it is how we dress, our hair color and style, and, of course, any aspects of our body shape. All of this free advice only stimulates the thought that we are not perfect as we are and probably never will be, even though many of us feel compelled to strive throughout our life to be beautiful – always on another’s terms.

Thank God for those of us who have reached the stage in life where we gave up caring to be perfect and beautiful! And the exciting thing for many of us after getting to that stage in life is that we became more beautiful! How did that happen? What did we do differently?

We began to like ourselves as we are and became aware of some of the living aspects that create an inner glow that lightens our faces and adds sparkle to our eyes.

1. Gratitude
   We became increasingly aware of all our blessings and are grateful for them:  good health, good friends and family, and abundance in many forms.
2. Acceptance of Self
   We have had enough life experiences that taught us we weren’t perfect, and we finally gave in and accepted it. It became easier to say, “So what?”
3. No Comparisons
   We no longer compare ourselves with others, having learned that it might be our turn next if something wonderful happens to someone else.
4. Joy
   We find joy in the little things . . . a bird that sits in the tree and serenades us, a child giggling with a buddy, a call from an old friend, or joy in all those circumstances that bring us happiness.
5. Faith
   We have faith that all is as it should be, and if it isn’t, we have the power and strength to change what needs to be changed. We believe that we are not alone and are always protected by our guides and angels.

Now when I hear the expression “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” I know and appreciate who the beholder is – ME!